4th of April, 2012.

This day, this month, this time, a year ago. I was oblivious to the fact that in the following year, I would be journeying through what would become my most painful (literally) year that i’ve encountered. I’ve never had much problem with my health. Athletic, and actually excercised my body every single day with a two hour session of swimming every three days…(at least). So, where were we? Oh yes, so it was at this time a year ago, that I had fallen madly in love, a love so deep and mad i’m pretty sure I could never experience such a tremoundous amount of love ever again. A couple, who was at that time looked at by others and myself as ‘perfect’. (LOL, no really, we were…) Sure, there was talk behind our backs (and yes, don’t think I didn’t know, i’m really good at pretending tbh) I loved her so deeply that I must confess… even now, a year later I still inhabitually think about her. (of course, feelings once gone.. would forever be gone). /inserts forever alone picture here/

It was on this day, a year ago, that I thought I was probably the most lucky man.. (well, there have been certain..objections and controversy over my gender, but let me confirm I am a man… I am completely capable of producing cede to sprout a baby.) Still, what could I say? I had a girl who loved me dearly, I had somehow gained friends, somehow gotten myself an acing mark in Business studies and hey, what better way but to spend my birthday eve with my girl? Strolling down the harbour ‘reminiscing’ talking, chatting, massaging each other in the chilly April weather. From my point of view, my birthday is probably the one day each year, where i’m blind.. blinded by my own selfishness and guilt that I didn’t see her sadness, her problems and her needs. Sure, it’s my day.. but it’s pretty much like every normal day.. I still had to go to school! Yet, I forgot basic rule #1 of my own dating philosophy, something I promised her and I forgot.

“I will never hurt you,

Never scream at you,

never shout at you,

never make you cry,

shoulder all your burdens and pains,

and make sure no matter where I am,

be there for you.”

Yet, in my happiness and blindness of love, I seemed to have forgotten that, no matter how happy, how sad, how depressed, how horny I am.. I should always, ALWAYS be there to make her smile. To smile, for me, her smile was that of an angel.. okay well, not that brilliant, I reckon a cat smiling would pretty much carry the same retrospect as hers .. so yeah, it was pretty cute. Ahhh.. Anyways, I waited until this day, to bring an end to everything. It’ll be now, that i’m going to put everything down. Sure, I liked her in the past, and yet even now.. i’ve actually found someone else that I like, although I know she doesn’t like me though. HAHAHA

No point in moping right? Just have to remember, that even if she’s with someone else, dating him, because pretty much.. when you love someone.. you want them to be happy.. and for them to be happy, you MAY have to sacrifice your own happiness.. but in return, you’ll see the bright shining smile of the person you like/love a lot in this world.

Capiche?

cried over all the birthday messages, and yes, he will celebrate an 18th with his loved ones, his friends, and his family, but a 19th will never come.