It hurts so much that it's hard to breathe, and still i'm so proud of myself to be able to smile, laugh, crack jokes and be my normal self for once. I don't know what the difference between now and then, between the truth and the lie, but I know for sure that I now understand the significance of her actions and me in her life. So, I gave up hope, life, dreams and all my ambitions on her. She wouldn't mean two coppers in my life, and I in hers. I don't think I should talk to her, and I think I shouldn't get involved with her anytime soon, and yet i'm writing this in anguish and an uncomfortable mood, like I just want to rid of her lies in my head altogether, to not want to see her ever again.
Why, in all my 19 years of existence this has never happened to me before and... I daresay that I don't know what else to say to my defence but, I don't think that level of intimacy that i've had with my "friends" in the Fambam still exist, more like I choose to ignore it altogether as a whole. The one girl though that I do talk to properly, doesn't even have me in her eyesights and I really dont want to let her get into my heart or get attached to it.
My writing is so muddled, maybe it's just a sign of how muddled my mind is.
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