Sigh fucking sigh.

Why? Why do people expect so much of me?

Look here, i'm not perfect. I'm naive, there's a lot of things in life that I myself have yet to know.. and yet, already i'm already being condemned for my ignorance. FUCKING HELL. -sigh- i'm not blaming anyone but I seriously need to fucking use my head before I speak. I have too much shit that's going on, and it's fucking retarded how things are the way they are.

I don't like how whenever an obstacle or challenge arises, I feel like terrible shit, maybe because i've always been someone who looks after and took care of people, maybe that's why when someone judges me, I feel like it's rightfully my wrong... Amazing fuckery, how one change in your life, can mean a change in your past, present and future.

Oh my god. I'm not going to lie in this post. It'll be my honest most honest feelings. I like her, I do, she's nice and she makes me feel special, happy and unimaginably loved... yet, at the same time; I don't really like the fact that this happened all too quickly. I don't really like how she's pushing me into something such as 'asking' her out.

And yes, maybe it's my wrong for saying "I like you" maybe it is my fault for not being the man you want me to be, but rather someone else. I am a human being too, I too, have standards and rules I go by... and when that comfort zone is forced into, I feel the need to retrace my steps and see where it went wrong.

What I really hate, when more than just the two of us, know about our intimate and personal conversations and things we say. That in itself, I really do detest. I know.. I know she's the kind of girl who actually likes showing off, haha I won't blame her for it, it's not like she knows I have this kind of pet peeve, but then at the same time, she tells her cousin about my friend? And then he gets mad at me? Oh wow, wtf just happened.. I have absolutely no idea. No, it's not her fault... believe me, I can see it isn't her fault, the problem lies between me and my friend, AND her. If I had kept my mouth shut, and not told her about my friend, then she wouldn't have told her cousin about him and it wouldn't have resulted in her cousin calling my friend 'a stalker'. Fuck, i'm really in a really bitchy and hating mood right now, her cousin has no right to judge someone because of what they know.

We live in a judgemental society, and the ways things are going, it doesn't seem like you're going down the right path. Sure, she's nice, but gossip? Fuck off. Don't talk shit if you don't know about it.

My god...


onto happier stuff..


arghh..