7th of February 2013.

Hello world. It's been a while since i've resorted back to using online blogs. Yeah, I don't and haven't updated this for a while and I really didn't plan on coming back. I was sure that this was and would have been the last of them all, but I guess as it always is... too early to tell. Sometimes when I think about it, I know that i've failed as "that guy". Y'know as that guy, I always thought that as long as I can make her happy with whatever ways and means possible that would mean i'm treating her right. I'm wrong.

In my head, a relationship is supposed to work out well, innocently, dirty, perverted yeah sure, but what I really mean is, at the end of the day, as long as the one you're seeing is given the smile and happiness which is called love, that relationship in itself is working out fine.

My sense of love has always been erroneous in many ways more than one. I've never really said "I love you" those three simple words as much as I have to my current girlfriend. Maybe because i've said it so much that I realise that the value of it actually devalues. I know that love is not a simplistic thing, it can make experience an innumerable amount of emotions. I know that at the end of the day, I really do mean every time I say those three magical words that light up my world (like nobody else..)

 The vehemence in all actuality of our relationship to be honest comes down to how much effort and dedication we're ready to put in. I'm willing to put in my all my 100% in this but what if she doesn't? I wouldn't care. Because at the end of the day, as long as she was happy with what she got and not just playing around with my feelings I'd be happy.

I don't know why i'm ranting about non-sensical shit.. Tbh, all I want is her to return the feelings we once held ... I know shee may not probably carry the same feelings as she once did, but I still do.. and continue to do so.
 Not sure how to face her tbh if we break up. I know i'll continue loving her, and I want her to be happy.. and knowing my attitude, i'll probably not be able to look at her in the eye and tell her all my attached feelings.
Although people say, "there are plenty of fish in the sea" and that y'know you're still young.. I realise that sometimes what you've always looked for is in front of your eyes.. and you're only turning blind from other people's words & actions.

I actually have fallen deeply for you.. like how you once felt for me.